The Delusion Called Love.

[ Lessons Learnt From Life - Part 2]

There's nothing more sad than to see a person who's helpless over their own emotions. Someone who is so lost, that they try to find love in any form that makes them feel worthy in that moment. A short time, even if only for a few moments, fills a void. But if the void returns as the moment ends ; it swallows you whole. Each time you rise to the surface, you sink again. It's quicksand pulling you under, hard - until the phone rings, and 'they' talk to you. Until anything shows you the smallest amount of attention, a glimpse of a feeling that could be, or used to be, or should be. All your life, you build these pretty fences around you, like an armor. And then all of a sudden, you fall for some naive expression of amusement and you give them a piece of yours, that they never even asked for, in the first place. That one glance across the room, feels like this love, and you stalk it. You need it like a drug. You sell your soul to feel good for an hour, relying on people who aren't worth your time, attention and most of all your exclusive soul ! And about those people ; Well, what about them ! They simply take you as a good omen and start collecting that love, to feed their own need to be cared for. But they are not losing anything. Not even an ounce of emotional confidence.

But you know who is? You are. You are losing every shattered piece of your generous, sound heart- bit by bit, day by day, with sheer pain every now and then. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with having your heart broken. But at least for something plausible, and more permanent. Let's just say, having your heart broken on seeing your expensive car smashing right in front of your eyes, would shake you from the inside out. But deep down, you're thanking your dear Lord, that you weren't inside the car. Or seeing your close one lingering slowly out of this world due to a nerve cracking illness, can be devastating. But in this too, you know this for a fact that they must be in a better place than this. So that's not guaranteed to cause you grief forever too, right?

But having your heart broken - No, not broken. Tortured, made miserable, smashed and utterly destroyed & mocked by someone, who, for the most part, didn't deserve it - is a feeling that can haunt you for something known as forever. That's when you start regretting all those times you trusted and the amount of love you invested in that person. That ultimate feeling of helplessness is like your new 24X7. And suddenly your whole life story comprises of uncountable 'If-only's' and 'could've-beens'. Because English language does not allow you to project your emotions in any other way. You're forced to write about the past and imagine it as an 'of course-there-was-a-happily-ever-after-ending' in the future. And then after some time, you become a stained wreck, so failed and lost that you can't see what you used to be. And nevertheless, with such an improbable past, and almost blurred future, the void starts to become the part of your very existence. The existence of an almost new you - And not the self, you thought you were.

Stay Blessed.

By: Ramsha Haadi.
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